wKeNd iS OvEr

ok, met him over e wkends. sorted out tings alil.

verdict:

i wun give up everyting here to go over hk jux to try n c if tings can work out, not at least for nw, so long as mic mic is ard for one dae, i will not go over.

he wun come back nw too cox he jux got there not too long ago. . he needs at least another yr to try n c if there's another position created here for him.

so we shall c hw tings are a yr lata. .


i tink, he's prob jux feeling lonely, i dunoe? i mean he tells me its not (but u noe lar, i dun trust men's words dat easily).

if he wans to , he has to prove it.

said he likes me cox i go for more simpler tings in life. . which is wat he realli likes compared to his daily high life w all e bankers n such. .

but in moi mind im tinking, ya rite. . i wld v.much like to believe dat its true cox when ever im w him, i can see e v.v.simple side of him. .

like he's rich, but he still stays w his bro in e hdb flat. he used to drive jux a nissan. when he's out, he likes to dress super dwn n casual.

but still. . . u noe. . sigh. . men.. words canot be trusted. . its e actions dat speak louder, dont they?

u haf such a high life. . simple life like mine may not afterall be ur cup of tea.


so let time prove its worth.

e dae im not confused, will be e dae im not vOn

ok, jux bear w me for awhile. .

he touched dwn. . called me. . met me up cox i was smewhere ard east coast w mr. neighbor n frens. . .

passed me a gift. . n he said there's another one which will make me even more overwhelmed. . he said he bought chamapagne n stuff. . then can u imagine he previously jux said dat he wans to settle dwn. . u tell me, wat does champagne normally come with? argh!!!

i dunoe wat to do, i dunoe hw to handle. .

i mean he's jux exactly like weelee. . which is y it makes me feel even more afraid. .

his aggressiveness, v.direct way abt tings. . its jux like history repeating itself. . i mean dat was exactly hw tings eventually happened between weelee n i, hw he managed to win moi heart n finally became an item. .

but dats moi biggest fear too. . i mean i noe tis guy will take v.gd care of me, will give me e kind of happiness, like i haf no worries, nthg at all. . BUT BUT BUT i oso noe dat along w it, i'll hafta give up alot of moi frens ard me, i mean guy frens. . keke. . cox i noe hw erm 'territorial' he'll be too (given one incident when he was in hk, n i was hanging out w his frens - onli mich noes wat happen exactly)... PLUS he'll give me e greatest fall, if he ever will. . . like wat weelee did. . made me feel like im e luckiest girl in e world, n one dae jux drop me dwn like dat. . well hw i noe, cox like ive mentioned, tis guy kinda did it when we were seeing each other during dat short period. .(onli difference is dat guy was honest abt it).

e onli difference is, nw he';s back. . weelee isnt. . tis guy came back for maybe a yr plus oreadi, tryin to apologise (even till date) n stuff like dat. . BUT BUT BUT. .

i jux cant overcome moi greatest fear. . i mean hw can i even if i wan to? i jux cant . . when i c him, i jux freeze up (like i behaved when i was jux frens w weelee). . i jux cant help but freeze up. .

angela, norman told me to give him another chance since he realli seemed sincere abt it, i jux hafta overcome moi fears. . wen n mich tells me not to. . moi neighbor (of cox he's jux bullshitting, cox he kips telling, jux gO to hk. . everyting will be well taken care of) . .

i mean all of u shld haf seen hw blissed n loved i felt when i was w weelee esp wenyu even thou we squabble n haf all e silly fights all e time. . but all of u wld haf also seen hw bad i fell when weelee n i broke up. . . 8mths of hell n misery for me. . .

i dunoe if i can ever afford to go thru tis again, esp u noe after e latest incident . . . i used to be able to be a risk taker. . . but after tis latest incident, i cant. . i noe i cant. . i cant afford to fall again. . i mean i jux wan e nxt guy to be e rite guy (in e sense, e guy whom i can rely on oreadi). . no more funie games etc. . .

im supp to mit him tmr for lunch (luckily i managed to bluff moi way dat im miting angela n mich for drinks at nite AND its ladies nite so he cant tag along) . . .

wat shld i do? sigh. . . i mean so wat if i realli accept dat we give it another try. . wat am i supp to do? cant possibly ask me to fly over to hk rite? n cant expect me to maintain a LONG DISTANCE kinda shit rite?


SIGH. . . all i can hope n pray nw is dat he'll be too pissed drunk tonite dat he'll haf a super hangover tonite. . keke but given his hyperactiveness (like weelee again!), he'll prob wake up even earlier than i do. . . HELP HELP HELP!

ixit realli e fear i hafta overcome to give moiself n smeone else's a chance? or

i shld jux put on moi defensive shield as per norm. . . smeone teach me hw to handle tis guy? jux take it as he's weelee, hw shld i handle? or shld i not let another Weelee slip thru moi hand again?

Oh n one ting, tis guy. . he has two types of lifestyle. . one is u noe, as a banker. . . he has 2 types of frens. . one is their lifestyle is super ATAS type. . like if we go out w them during those u noe working daes n hrs, u noe i'll hafta smehw dress up (which is super tiring for a lazy me) although he has never realli 'minded'. . (wat sorta english is dat, but heck. . lk at e time nw). . but another half of his, is he's able to oso dress super duper dwn during wkends like me n he likes it dat way. . sigh. . headache. . .

ok, yes i am confused. . i am a confused child. . but since when i was never one? maybe dats y god gave me so many gd frens. . to crack moi brains n lead me at times like dat. . . :(

i cant believe it

i cant believe wat has jux happened these 2 daes. . . i mean. . its like did god read moi blog?

few daes back i wrote memoirs of baby rav. . . sayin i hope i can find smeone dat replace all e gd memories. . n there we are, e nxt guy dat gave me e closest feelings back then suddenly jux call me up early in e morning on sundae telling me stuff like:

since u haf not been coming up to hk n haf no plans as yet to come, im comin back instead. . .
i jumped out of moi bed. . literally. . n i cldnt slp after e conversation we continued on msn. .

i mean, he's realli like weelee. . y? cox he's been v.aggressive, been asking me to go up to lk for him, been asking me to follow him travel n work (even to e extent of giving moi job). . been wanting to take me to trips whenever he's back to singapore or haf a whole block of leave to clear. . telling me he realli liked me alot over e past 1 yr (i dun rem how long), wans to settle dwn n stuff. . . alwix getting angry w me dat im being stuck up, take him for granted during tis period. .

y similar to weelee - he was v.v.pushy when we frens, alwix wanting to be together, pushing me for a yr or so before we got together. . n then when we were together, v.v.pushy asking me wana marry him or not n stuff. . .

similar to weelee cox when i was dating tis guy. . indeed, it was a v.enjoyable period(thou onli like a few mths). . like he tk care of everyting else when we were together. . kept up w moi hyperactiveness n stuff. .

similar to weelee cox oso. . jux left me for another girl jux like dat. . .

onli difference, weelee till date, never admitted dat he left me for another girl, but tis guy did rite frm e moment he chose to return to his ex gf. . n tis guy did apologise. . . even till date. . .

BUT STILL!!!! they both gave me e SAME feeling of being like in 7th heaven n then one dae jux make me drop.. onli difference, i realli loved weelee alot! n tis guy, maybe the word love wasnt there yet cox im alwix on a lil defensive mode of feelings during e first few mths. .

Now, this guy is coming back on fri. . . HELP!!!!! im so stressed up. . cox ive been telling him i tink we nid to sort tings out n tok tings over but not on msn or over e phone, but it jxu came too sudden tat its tis wkend dat he's gona be back. . . .

i dun even noe hw to tok to him nw. . .

smebody tell me wat to do, wat to sae. . .


mr neighbor. . . u havent heard e latest conversation i had w tis guy. . u onli heard abt sundae morning. . when u hear abt tis latest conversation, hw will u react? i dunoe y, im jux curious to noe. .

cox u cld be dat closer one after these two guys. . but then again, ITS SO SCARIE. . COX UR MOI NEIGHBOR. . . n dun sae mun mun, even i moiself will faint . . . ahaha. . .

besides, u n i both still haf dat bet on u returning to ur ex. . . ahhhhh...EX again. . .

k, suddenly i feel, when can i ever not face such problems? jux nid a simple life, simple guy. . .

god, if u read moi blog, maybe u tell me hw? i tink god mux be shaking his head oso. . tinking y is tis girl like dat, ask for A, give her A, then ask A+B, but when give her A+B, she requests if she can haf A+B-C(e bad tings dat comes along w it) = asking for e impossible or a simple word alwix defined by dewey as PERFECTIONIST.....

HELP!!!! ahhhh....

gona slp. . too stressed, so v.slpy. .

mEmOiRs Of bAbY RaV

ok, first n foremost. . e reason y im writing is definitely not bcox i wana be back w e owner of e non existence sfa3742x rav since smetime last oct. . n fyi, i tink e carplate reall said alot . . 3742X = jux wana drive u mad, to death XIUMIN. . n it realli was like driving me crazy almost to death most of e time. . ahaha

but its jux dat ive been tinking alot (as usual) abt all moi past events n i jux wanted to pen tis dwn simply bcox outta so many (not exactly dat many serious relationships lar) relationships, i feel dat smehw tis memory has given me, moi family, moi doggies e best memories dat i tink noone else has given to me n i dunoe if i can ever find such nice memories again. . cox after ard 5yr+, i still havent found anyone who can give me as much as wat he has given. .

ok, mun. . ahaha. . i noe ure gona tink : but he's given me tons of quarrels n made me thrown away moi lovely collection of 10-20 skirst. . keke. . . but u hafta read on first. .


e reasons/memories as follow frm frenship till breakup maybe:
1) tea garden (hw we first met)
e v.memorable place cox dats where i spent moi entire life of mugging books, lecture notes since secondary sch till moi uni daes. . stupid shit tried to catch moi attention by feeding e stupid mynahs which i hate most!

2) zouk (hw our first conversation, first hand-shake n frenship started)
n of cox dats moi hapiest moments cox dats where i started learning hw to appreciate trance,house music (not jux clubbing for e sake of knowing pple n dance for e sake of 'catching attn' n dats where i had e most fun cox he's by e far e onli bf dat i loved dancing with, prancing ard e danceflr, having real fun (not those sorta intimate, kissing, frenching, touching each other on e danceflr type like every other couple) w each other's company, appreciating e music, our fav djs etc. . moi first tiesto (e 1st tiesto session in singapore w him, e best tiesto session, e best dancing space i had for tiesto session cox was given a gd ample space n great view of tiesto by him n his frens at members area) e onli bf dat can even give great entertainment n fun to moi gal n gay frens. .e onli guy dat cld dance w me all nite long till i drop dead. .
n e best ting is whenever i finished clubbing being too drunk to go hme n show moi dad dat we both went clubbing too much . . i would alwix whine to sae i wana take a short rest inside e car first before we step hme. . n guex wat he wld do. . after clubbing at 3am or 4am (back then), he wld jux sit patiently inside e car n wait for me to slp till like 6-7am when i wake up (ahaha). . then we go hme. . (no trying to be funie, trying to be intimate w me. . jux letting me slp for dat few hrs to sober up) with 100% no complaints!!!

3) my house, my rm, moi dad, moi bro n of cox moi darlink michael n luckie
1st bf dat i officially brought hme, introduced to moi dad. .
moi rm was like literally a junk rm , a store rm. . with all e ancient furniture dat moi dad cldnt bear to throw away n ive been living w them for e longest time of moi life. .
he, daringly told me to quickly throw away a couple of cupboards n table while moi dad wasnt at hme. . 1st attempt - we jux threw em by e side of moi hse, dad saw, dad brought e furniture back n put in his rm. . so 1st attempt was kinda failed
2nd attempt - we got smarter, we shifted e same furniture to a much faraway place frm moi hse where moi dad cldnt find ahahaha. . . it was a GREAT SUCCESS! dat was a step beta to a slightly neater rm . keke
moi house
he's so sweet. . he bought a vacuum cleaner for me. . not onli does he help me vacuum many a times . . he also vacuum moi entire hse for me too (100% voluntary!!!)
moi dad
he so loved to chit chat w moi dad, realli bothers to listen n interact w moi dad abt everyting under e sky. . frm business to personal interests, to fishing n of cox both bitching abt me!!!! so much so i cld jux walk ard moi hse, do moi own stuff, leaving e both of em to chit chat, n not come n irritate me...keke
i cld realli tell he put in alot of efforts naturally n moi dad loved him alot cox moi dad ever laughed at me telling (gd, nw u got lesser guys calling up our house hor) ahhhhhhhh
wheneva i dun come hme, moi dad will never call to ask me where am i etc
he helps out at moi dad's stall too. . . sigh. . so sweet of him rite. .
moi doggies!!!
whenever we come hme, he'd make e effort to spend time playing w moi doggies . . even luckie. . spend more time w em compared to me back then. . .
moi bro
never discriminated against moi bro at all

4) OUR Baby Rav4 (still moi fav car till date)
i loved tis car even before knowing him as a fren (lee khim can vouch for me) . . after 6mths of our r/s, he had to scrap his old honda civic. . so he's planning, lking ard for a new car. .
moi 1st suggestion; RAV 4 RAV 4!! 3 dr white RAV 4!! can u imagine i was so super hardworking to flip newspapers, call up alot of dealers, bargain for prices, arranging to go which dealer, negotiate n stuff, convincing him to get RAV4 RAV4. . all e arguements plus pacifying his mum, convincing his mum abt it. . n FINALLY we GOT IT!!!! yippee. . n i found it he got tis car simply realli bcox i liked e car!!! (im so touched. . .even till date). .
we washed n polished a baby rav every sundae! n i meant EVERY SUNDAE. . did up so many pretty stuff to our handsme baby rav . . awe. . . even e lovely fish sticker (we spent hrs lking for e rite sticker thru ebay)
ahaha...when we broke up, he alwix cursed n swear, saying nobody takes care of e rav4 . . ahaha. . . alwix tell me i love tis car alot but it's jux so irritating, i wana get rid of it cox too many memories n stuff . .i told him, if i haf e monie, i will definitely buy over frm him. . but after much valuation, sigh. . i jux didnt haf e monie n hafta painfully see it go. . . thks for at least asking me if i wanted to take over when u wanted to sell e car. . .

5) Holidae trips
i mux tell u dat he's moi best travelling mate, shopping mate, eating mate!
e way we travel, e stuff we do, it jux jells up so nicely. .
shopping - we shop for e same stuff, same taste, n if we're short of time, we can jux both agree to go shopping on our own n mit again after a designated time. .
eating - omg, we jux eat n eat n eat wherever we go. . . n i realli mean eat n EAT!
e part i loved most - thou he's afraid at times, but he'd jux bite his teeth, n sit all e terrible, exciting rides w me, no matter wat..we'll both hold each others' hands so tight (cox we're both jux as scared) n scream our lungs out, hold e camera in our hands no matter wat n take photos even on those scary rides. . . ahaha

6) How he tucks me in to bed
u noe. . every nite. . he realli bothers to tuck me in to bed. . most of e time he'd wait for me to fall aslp before he does. . sighz. . .

7) when i cry. .
i seldom cry when im w him (thou we scream at each other alot ahaha when we quarrel). . but whenever he makes me cry. . he''d at e end of e dae, when everyting's fine. . he'd come to me n apologise or cuddle me to assure me dat everyting's fine

8) noes hw to be as crazy as i am n at e same time tone me dwn when ive gone too far, gone too hyperactive

ok. . i tink actually there're alot more. . but its 525am! im simply too tired to tink further. . . n i tink tis blog is super duper long enuf. . .


b4 i end, u noe, i reali hope i can find smeone who can give me such feelings, smehw, smedae. . he's e first guy after we broke up, dat i cried for 8 mths (moi usual recovery is jux 1 mth or less), had sleepless nites for 8mths till i had to visit doc for slping pills. .

so can u c hw much he has given me . . to make von fall so hard. .

w/o e melbourne trip where his gd fren andrew met me up n gave me a gd breakup advice n help . . i guex it cld haf lasted much longer than 8mths for me to recover. .

thk u andrew!


i dun miss weelee animore. . its simply e memories dat i'll never forget. . e memories i hope can be replaced. .

CoUnTiNg e No. oF gD fReNs i HaF...

in sequence. . keke. . check out where u stand in moi heart. .

1) Yinmin n MuN mUn
2) Michelle
3) Wenyu
4) Dewey
5) Alex
6) Ricky
7) Lee Khim
8) Pearl
9) Roger
10) Qiuiwen
11) Marilyn Leong
12) Shaun Tan
13) Angela
14) Haidee
15) Correne
16) Minghuei
17) Junbin
18) Jeremy Wong
19) Rosa

Rosa mux be v.hapie to be inside e list.. ahaha. . for those who did not fall into tis list. .it doesnt mean i dun treat u as moi gd frens. . jxu dat this group of pple smehw haf been thru, been there most of e ups n downs of moi life. . n oso, i realise this group of pple has also never hide nor lie to me in anyway. . . :D

Rosa, if u ever read tis. . dun complain dat ure no. 19 cox u shld feel honored dat u fall under tis list despite all e irritating nonsense uve been giving me . . .

NiCe WkEnD

by far, since e last few wks of 2006 to e beginning of 2007. . tis is e best wkend dat made von smile . . finally. .

fri - went out dinner w moi cousins n their partners. . keke. . so nice of em to adopt me for e nite. . bringing me out for dinner n ice cream. . went to see their newly adopted bunnies too. . ahha. . afterwhich went to mit up w e husband n mun mun. . smehw i feel, e husband has realli become a part of us. . dunoe if its gd or bad smetimes. . . cox i alwix haf tis principle dat no matter wat happens, i will alwix side moi frens. . but tis time round, its jux so hard. . . sigh. .
nevertheless, it was still nice to haf finally met up w him. . cox i noe besides mun mun n i, there's no one else that he can turn to, to tok abt his sorrow. . not even e wife. . n dats e least both of us can do for him. .

sat - went breakfast w stan's sis n husband . . no matter hw tired i was, i still crawled outta moi bed at 8am..keke...it was realli nice catching up w her. . but however, there are sme tings dat have happened dat i guex i can never share w her. . liek when she asked me when was e last time i saw her bro. . i jux kept quiet. i jux didnt noe wat to sae. . sigh. . its jux a pity dat most likely serene n i can onli be dat close as frens. . no further than dat animore. .i guex.

went napping n was super duper bored. . so moi poor neighbor got dragged out by me again. . ahaha. . we went beach road to eat and shop shop w his fren too. . smetimes i enjoy goin out w em even most of e time i alwix get bullied, suan n irritated by em! argh!!!!!
but i mux sae they haf a heart of gold. . esp moi neighbor. . ever ready to adopt me n tolerate moi nonsense, moi hyperactiveness n trying to kip up w me even thou he is v.tired..ahaha
they brought me fishing dat nite. . or rather actually i was e one who ended up bringing em to moi old fishing spot....keke...we fished till 5plus. . onli got small fish thou. . but klar, fishing is never a guarantee dat there's fish rite?

e funniest part of e nite (i felt like a clown) - we were all v.tired when packing up, both of em like goin to die liao. . so in order to entertain em n kip moi neighbor (e driver), i started asking em all e Qian Bian Wen Da Ti. . ahaha...not bad leh. . althou there were a few times they realli felt like strangling me. . but at least they were all awake throughout e journey back hme...ahaha. .


Sundae - moi happiest dae! ahaha.... came back frm fishing, slept at 7am but cox i had nitemares so i woke up at 11am. . . cldnt slp animore. . so went to haf breakfast w angela n esther. . then did abit of hsework. . . canot tahan liao, so i went to wake moi neighbor up again. . ahaha..pester him again. . so we went to haf lunch. .

i grumbled n grumbled non stop during lunch. . ahaha..pestered pestered pestered to get moi way thru. . n yippee! he agreed to go cycling! ahaha. . . we use e van to transport our bicycles to east coast. . poor him, was sweating like hell tryin to get e bicycles into e van w/o breaking e eggs. ahaha. . at dat moment, i start to tink. . sigh. . smetimes i feel im realli too hyperactive n spoilt by moi frens. . but i cant help it. .
anw we went cycling at east coast, had ice cream, then he brought me to marina south to cycle smemore ( so nice of him..) keke. . didnt noe there was a new jetty there. . jetty is realli beautiful.

all in all, its been a long time since i had such meaningful wkends (since mich is attached, since jem is busy w agnes) . doin simple tings in life but still enjoying each n every brim of it. . i tink seriously, i'd prefer such life than clubbing, pubbing etc. . .


anw, dear neighbor. . i noe u cant wait for me to find a bf so u can get off e torture frm me. . but but but. . love canot be rushed. . so dun kick me aside ok...keke...cox all moi dear gd frens are happily attached liao. . left noone else but u. . .(*huggies*). .

2007 ReSoLuTiOnS

1St: own a bicycle - gOt it
2nd: change to a job which provides beta pay n prospects
3rd: go phuket
4th: go back bkk
5th: go taipei
6th: go back australia (but not a must)
7th: save at least $1000 by end of the yr (keke...so lame but i realli haf no savings)
8th: buy OSIM for daddy
9th: buy laptop
10th: tone up moi body

dats it for nw. . keke...